Welcome back for Day 3 of Fat Bear Week! Did 909 wave her magic paw over the votes? They swam towards her yesterday ten times over. And it appears that ol’ man 856 is enjoying a bit of a retirement party; voters lined up to salute the elder.
128jr and 901 have enjoyed easy wins so far, but today two big-bellied boars enter the chat.
Match 5: 128jr “Biggie” vs 602 “Flotato”
128 Grazer’s girl is on a roll! She may be a toddler but she is waddling into this match having now defeated 609, 26’s girl cub, and both of 803s yearlings. The people love that Biggie baby. But can she strut the right stuff in a match with 602?
602 is this year’s class clown. Holy fatman! He is large, he is sometimes in charge and he is often seen chilling out, maxing and relaxing, all cool. Here he is: on his back, in the river, floating like a potato. This is why they call him The Flotato.
602 Flotato has perfected the art of eating a colossal amount of food and then doing absolutely nothing. He maximizes his net caloric intake by burning the least amount of energy possible. After gorging at the falls, some bears go on a walkabout, but 602 is like, what if I … didn’t. He’s got a beer belly dad bod – built for comfort, not speed. When he sheds at the end of summer, it looks like he’s not wearing pants. He, predictably, has a lot of nicknames. But secretly I call him The Dude.
I admire the way The Dude / Flotato can go to The Office and still exude an unemployed attitude. A cute thing about 602 is that when faced with conflict, he does a funny little stompy dance (“The Mashed Potato”). Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man, I imagine him saying.
The Dude will likely abide in today’s match. And, I can think of no bear who would care less.
Match 6: 901 vs 32 Chunk
Look, 901 is an actual boat. She’s so wide, I don’t know how she turns a corner. She is the Michelin man in a bear suit. She is a runaway parade blimp. What we love about 901 is that she has always had her priorities straight – eat, mate, and sleep – and her prodigious peach is proof that she’s a very focused gorl. 901 gave us a historical upset several years ago: it was her first time on the bracket when she ousted King 480 Otis. She made it all the way to the finals, coming in 2nd to 747 Bear Force One.
Apparently “Almost Champions” is the theme here, because 901 faces perpetual runner up 32 “Chunk.” 32 Chunk is a familiar face on the fat bear circuit, but he has yet to do a victory lap. Character sketch aside, this boar is borderline bursting. Chunk the Hunk, we call him. Even standing, his belly almost kisses the ground.
Full disclosure, Chunk was my gateway bear; and I cheered for him in my first Fat Bear Week, even though I knew zero things about him. But you always remember your first. At that time, Chunk was sort of an enigmatic bear – he was huge but he didn’t throw his weight around. If anything, he acted like a subadult in an adult body, and as the years went on I thought he had this fight club anti-establishment energy. It seemed like he was consciously refusing to play the hierarchy game.
All that changed in 2024. Chunk the Hunk woke up on the wrong side of the riverbed and he tore through the park, demanding dominance. He was cruisin’ for a bruin, and he was not there to make friends. He even killed a cub. On camera. It was not a good look.
On a normal year, I would say fat chance to 32 Chunk taking home the title, but this summer he showed up with a broken jaw. Like, imagine a mouth. Now imagine half the mouth, dangling out of the mouth. Chunk was likely in pain, and we saw him resting his jaw in the cold river. It was a major injury, and it could be fatal for a bear if they can’t adapt their eating habits.
Fat isn’t a number, it’s a lifestyle. We love to see a big boi but we want a big boi we can root for. Packing on the pounds this summer has taken a tremendous amount of strength, resilience, and restraint. Whether you’re a fan or a frenemy, you have to acknowledge 32 Chunk’s enormous achievements.
May the fattest bear win. Voting is open 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. AKST at fatbearweek.org!
